Duo Got A Job
by StarLite Wind
Summary: Duo gasp got a job! thunder strikes To know what kind of job it is read the story! FINALLY UPDATED
1. Part One

Disclaimer: These are my characters, I think. I'm not sure and if they're not, I guess they belong to whoever created Gundam Wing. Anyways, everyone, except Trowa(23), Sylvia(22), & Sally(24), is 21! Got it? Good.

Alright people, this is my 3rd fanfic that I have posted on FF.net (That's GundamWing anyway). Read my other one named 12 days of Christmas Gundam Style and The Making of The Gundam Movie! I think they are kind of funny. Well here is my new fic and I hope you'll enjoy and review. Oh, and the first part of this will be written in paragraph and the rest in dialogue. Alright? Great.

Duo Got A Job

"What do you want Maxwell?" Wufei drank some coffee and leaned on a chair in the 

Preventers' office. 

Duo smiled. "Nothing. I just wanted to tell you that I, Duo Maxwell, has gotten a job."

Wufei spit out his coffee and began to laugh. "You? Got a job! Whoa! What a good one. Maxwell, job. Ha!" 

Wufei smiled and drank some more coffee.

"For your information, I did get a job. A good one too!"

Wufei raised his eyebrow and put his coffee mug down. "You really got a job?"

Duo was still smiling and nodded his head. Wufei got up and walked to the cabinet. Duo sat in a vacant chair. "It's exactly the kind of job I wanted. It's perfect for me."

"Uh huh." Wufei went through the cabinets.

"They said I had potential. I was one of a kind. I signed the contract and they put me to work."

"How nice."

"You don't believe me do you?"

"No, I believe you. Ah! Here it is." Wufei walked back to the table and poured some whiskey into his coffee mug and drank it.

Duo watched. "Good, Wu-man. So I thought I would take you and the others to my work to check it out. What do you say?"

"I say, 'I need to see it to believe it'." 

"Great! Even Relena's coming." 

"That stupid singing woman? Great, now that she's little miss star, she doesn't care about us!"

(A/N: I made Relena a singer! Hahahahaha. Ok it's not funny. *Sits down in shame*)

"Sure she does! You'll see, she'll be there. Oh and Wuffie, you shouldn't be drinking this early in the morning, especially when you're working."

"Whatever. Can you please hand me the rat poison?"

"Ok."

~Ride to Duo's new job

"I don't see why he painted the windows black." Hilde commented.

"He's probably to embarrassed to show us where he really works." Trowa looked at the windows. "Moron. We can just roll them down." Trowa pushed the button but the windows didn't go down. "He glued them I bet."

"Don't you think he's hiding something?" Quatre asked.

Sally sat back. "What makes you say that, Quatre?"

"He had us picked up in a limo! A big one."

"Your point?"

"He gave us all cell phones! He brought us all expensive gifts! He paid us back for all the stuff he broke!"

"Yes and it was very nice of him, too." Dorothy dialed a number on her new cell phone.

"Wufei, you're with me right?"

"You know I'm too young to fight!" Wufei drank some more wine. "And why isn't the purple dinosaur driving?"

"Heero, you're my only hope." Quatre looked at Heero. Heero just sat there and stared. "Heero?"

"Huh. Heero is still in shock that Relena became a singing sensation. The news that Duo got a job just added to it." Sylvia poked Heero with a pencil. "See?"

Quatre sighed and glanced at Wufei. He was drinking two bottles of wine and singing "What A Wonderful World". 

"Give me that!" Quatre grabbed a wine bottle and chugged it all down.

"Um, aren't Muslims prohibited from drinking alcohol?" Sylvia asked.

Sally shrugged. "Maybe he's not Muslim."

"Isn't he Arabic?" Hilde asked.

"Hilde?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

~Duo's Workplace

"Why are we wearing blindfolds?" Sally asked.

"I told you h-*hic*-e was up to something." Quatre laughed.

"Excuse me people? Why did you blindfold us?" Hilde asked the people taking them somewhere.

"Mr. Maxwell wanted to surprise you all." A lady said.

"He didn't want us to ruin the surprise so he had us blindfold you." A man added.

"And now I'm worried." Sylvia said.

"I told you he's- oh wait I said that already.*hic*" Quatre drank some more wine.

The people led them to a room where they were allowed to remove their blindfolds. 

They all sat in a chair and Quatre began to laugh.

"We're in a room!!" Quatre started to laugh then held his head. "Ow! The ringing won't stop!"

Dorothy got annoyed and grabbed the wine bottle. She hit Quatre over the head with it. Quatre fell to the ground.

"Thank you! I was waiting for someone to do that." Sally picked up a magazine from the table in front of her.

Sylvia rested her head on Trowa's shoulder. Trowa put his arm around her. She smiled.

Wufei banged his head on the arm rest. "I'm in hell! Hell! A terrible, scary, agonizing hell! Dear God, help me!"

Heero twitched.

Hilde blinked at his gesture. "He moved! Oh, my gosh! He moved without one of us moving him."

Sally looked up at Heero then went back to her reading. "So he did. Yay."

Then a lady came in with a clipboard. "Huh, who is Wufei Chang?'

Wufei pointed to Quatre on the ground. "That's Wufei! Right there! That's the guy you want!"

The lady looked at Quatre on the ground. "Oh my! He's dead!"

Dorothy filed her nails. "No, just hurt."

"Really, really bad." Hilde added.

The lady kicked Quatre. "Darn. Wufei was suppose to meet Mr. Maxwell first. Now what am I going to do?"

At that, Wufei jumped up. "Oh Wufei! I thought you said you said- huh..... Something else. I'm Wufei. Mr. Chang if you please. Yeah that's me! So when do I meet Duo?"

"Um, Mr. Maxwell is waiting this way but you have to put on this blindfold." She handed him a black cloth.

"Another blindfold? Why on the earth for?!" 

"He wants you to be, and I quote, Very, very, very, very, very, very, happy. Very."

"Dumbass."

"Follow me." The lady led Wufei outside as he put on the blindfold.

~~~~~

"How much longer until I meet Duo?" Wufei asked impatiently.

"Not too long. Ah! Here we are. Now just keep walking straight and leave the blindfold on." The lady pushed him forward.

"How can I walk forward if I can't see straight?!" Wufei yelled.

"Just keep walking. Mr. Maxwell will get you."

"Son of a-" Wufei started to walk forward trying not to trip over anything if anything was there.

Then someone tapped his shoulder and laughed a little. 

"Hey Wufei! What the hell are you doing?"

Wufei took off the blindfold and threw it down. "Damn it Maxwell! What the hell do you think you're doing- to.........us......." Wufei looked to the side of himself and saw a studio audience. They all had goofy grins on their faces. Wufei's mouth dropped.

Duo smiled. "Hi Wufei. You are on-" Duo pointed to the audience.

"Late Night with Duo Maxwell!!" the audience shouted.

Duo smiled. "What they said."

Wufei gave Duo a death glare. "I'm going to kill you."

"Aw. Now is that any way to treat your good friend? Especially since your friend has security everywhere and can easily throw you out and have you arrested for assault?"

Wufei made another look at Duo. "I didn't-"

"We have a full room of witnesses."

"Damn you, Maxwell."

"Now let's go have a seat at my desk." Duo led Wufei to a nice desk and motioned him to sit in one of the seats to the left of the desk.

Wufei sat and looked at the audience.

Duo smiled at Wufei. "So Wu-man, what do you do for a living?"

Wufei looked at Duo. "You know what I do."

"But my studio audience doesn't."

Wufei sighed. "Well I don't care what they know and what they don't."

"Oh come on Wufei. Lighten up!"

"Yeah!" cheered the audience.

Wufei looked down and sighed again. "I work for the Preventers."

"Really? And what do they do?'

"We protect the earth and colonies from any threats, attacks and or terrorists um, things." Wufei said proudly.

"So you basically prevent any dangerous actions before they happen, right?"

"Well yeah. Why do you think they call us Preventers?"

"So what kind of thing do you yourself do?"

"I make sure all the threats are dealt with acutely and responsibility."

"That's it?"

"I also predict attacks before they happen."

"Is that so? Wow! Must be really tough for you."

"Yeah, but I can handle it."

"On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your work and accuracy?"

Wufei leaned in his chair and said smugly, "Fourteen."

"I said on a scale of one to ten."

"But my work and expertise surpass the ten."

"I see. Well let's put you _expertise_ to the test."

Wufei frowned. "Um, how?"

"Well you just have to look at the audience."

Wufei looked at the audience. "Um?"

Then Duo grabbed a bat from under his desk and hit Wufei with it over his head. Wufei fell to the ground, out cold.

Duo looked at Wufei then the audience and smiled. "Guess he's not a really good Preventer since he couldn't prevent that attack!"

The audience laughed.

"We'll be right back after these messages with-"

"Late Night With Duo Maxwell!"

~~~~~~~~~

The lady came back into the room and looked at her clipboard. "Is a Trowa Barton and Sylvia Noventa here?"

Sylvia gripped Trowa's hand. "Oh god."

Trowa stood up. "It's all right. If he tries anything, I'll kill him."

"Oh, ok." Sylvia stood up.

The lady gave them their blindfolds and smiled.

~~~~~~

"And we're back. Now if your just joining us, this is my new show and we're meeting my friends without them knowing about my new job. Let's bring out Sylvia Noventa and Trowa Barton! But be quiet when they come in."

The lady came out with Trowa and Sylvia. Duo went up to them.

"Hi guys. Give me your hands so I can lead you to your seats."

"Trowa, you didn't say I had to touch him." Sylvia whispered.

"Just hold my hands."

"Ok."

Trowa perked up. "Sylvia! That's not my hand!"

"I know."

"Excuse me?" Duo hit Trowa's head.

Trowa glared at him through the blindfold. "Touch me again and you'll regret it."

"Yeah well, do that again on national television and you'll be getting calls."

"What? What did he say?" Sylvia asked.

"Um nothing. Here let me." Duo grabbed their hands and led them to the seats.

As they sat, Duo smiled and said amusingly, "You can take the blindfolds off now."

"Yippee," Sylvia said sarcastically while untying her blind fold.

" 'Bout time." Trowa took his off.

They both froze when they saw the audience.

(A/N: Now it's in dialogue but when we go back to the room where everyone else is, I'll go back in paragraph. Show= dialogue, room= paragraph, ok?)

Duo: Surprised?

Trowa: Dear god! I'm in hell!

Duo: No, you're on- (points to the audience)

Audience: Late Night With Duo Maxwell!

Duo: (smiling) I'll never get tired of that.

Sylvia: I can't feel my legs. 

Duo: Want me to feel them?

(audience laughs while Trowa and Sylvia throw him a dirty look. Duo coughs)

Duo: Well why don't you say hi to my studio audience?

Sylvia: (looking at Wufei) Um, is he ok?

Duo: Huh yeah. He just fainted when he saw the audience. That's all.

Sylvia: Oh.

Duo: So say hi to the audience and introduce yourself.

Trowa: No.

Duo: Why not?

Sylvia: Well they know who I am but Trowa-

Trowa: I don't talk to you that much so what makes you think I'd talk to your studio audience?

Duo: Cause if you don't they'll see what a jerk you are and won't go to your circus.

(Trowa shot a death glare at Duo. Sylvia sighs.)

Duo: So which is it?

Trowa: (looks at the audience) Hi, I am Barton. Trowa Barton. I work for the circus as an undercover job and other times I do secret agent work. Sylvia here is my partner and if I tell you exactly what I do I will be forced to kill you.

Sylvia: Ditto.

Duo: (looking at Trowa and Sylvia in disbelief) Wow.

Trowa: (Shrugging) Yeah, I know. It's cool.

Duo: Actually, I was going to say that you two are bad liars.

Trowa: Excuse me?

Sylvia: That's what Tony said. And John.

Trowa: Don't forget Trieze.

Sylvia: (nodding) Ah yes. Trieze. I didn't really want to kill him.

Duo: Huh, Wufei killed Trieze.

Sylvia: Didn't he Duo? Didn't he?

Duo: Huh....

Trowa: Damn Wufei. Taking all the glory.

Sylvia: (patting Trowa's hand) Now honey, you know we had to make it _look_ like Wufei killed him.

Trowa: I know, but still. Jerk.

Duo: (tapping his fingers on the desk) Right. Now let's bring out my good old bud- (looks at his cards) Quatre Winner!

Trowa: (shifting in his seat) I don't think that would be wise.

Duo: (looking at Trowa funny) Why not?

Sylvia: Well, he's not really himself right now.

Trowa: And he's huh, taking a nap.

Duo: Right. So let's bring him out!

(A lady came out with a drunken Quatre. Quatre was singing and playing with his blind fold)

Duo: Ok, what's wrong with him?

Lady: He drank too much "happy" juice.

Duo: I see. (gets up and walks to Quatre) Hey Q-man, how ya doing?

Quatre: Mama? Is that you mama?

Duo: Take off your blindfold and take a seat.

Quatre: Seat! Hahahahahahaha. Funny word that seat be. (takes off his blind fold) Wow! Look at all the people!

Duo: Yeah, too many. I have to do something about that. (looks evilly at the audience. Looks back at Quatre) So what do you think?

Quatre: I think I'm going to be sick.

(Quatre throws up all over Duo's shoes. Duo makes a face)

Duo: That's just sick.

Quatre: Sorry about that.

Duo: Just sit. Damn! These were made from real crocodile too!

Quatre: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall, humpty dumpty was very uh.............. tall! All the king's men who the king had picked, were all very jealous of humpty's big-

Duo: Quatre!!!! Stop!

Sylvia: Told you , you shouldn't have brought him out.

Trowa: Ditto.

Duo: We'll be right back after these messages.

Quatre: We will? Where are we going?

Sylvia: (whispering to Trowa) I must be dreaming. This can't be real.

Trowa: Duo will pay for this, I promise you that.

Duo: So what are you guys whispering about?

Sylvia: (mumbling) Your death.

Duo: Huh?

Trowa: What we're going to have for dinner.

Sylvia: Duo on a stick.

Duo: What?

Sylvia: Nothing.

Duo: Right. (wide eyed) Quatre! Put down that audience member right now!

Quatre: But he took my banana!

Duo: Quatre, you didn't have a banana.

Quatre: I didn't? Oh. (puts the audience member down)

Duo: That's it, nice and slow. Now get back to your seat! (Quatre looks sad and walks back to his seat.)

Crew Member: We're on in 5...4...3...2...1..

Duo: (smiling and looking at the camera) Hi, welcome back to-

Audience: Late Night With Duo Maxwell!

Duo: I love that. With me tonight are my good friends, and you may know her as one of the snobbiest people alive, Miss Sylvia Noventa!

Sylvia: I am not snobby!

Duo: Yeah sure. With her... her quiet boyfriend, Trowa Barton!

Trowa: (nods to the audience mumbling) 

Duo: And last, but not the very last, Quatre the drunken Wiener!

Quatre: I'm a wiener winner!

Duo: Quite.

Quatre: Wow. Look at the lights!

Duo: So, Quatre, let me start first by asking you the question on everyone's mind.

Quatre: (Smiling) Ok!

Duo: Great. Now, why did you ever. in your sane mind, obviously not drunk at the time, no child to hold you to duty, no black mailing pictures did you ever, ever, ever, ever, marry Dorothy Catalonia?

Sylvia: That's the question on everyone's mind?

Trowa: Are you sure it's not just yours?

Duo: Silence Twiddle Dee and twiddle Dum.

(Sylvia and Trowa narrow their eyes at him)

Quatre: That's an easy question!

Duo: (smiling) So then answer.

Quatre: I love Dorothy-

Duo: (shocked) You love Dorothy?! Dear God! Why?! Oh my gosh! That's so damn funny!

Quatre: But you didn't let me finish.

Duo: There's more? Please tell us.

Sylvia: Why? So you can laugh at him?

Duo: Hey, Miss Prim and Perfect bitch, shut it, will ya?

Sylvia: Bastard.

Duo: Go on Quatre.

Quatre: I love Dorothy's.....

(Duo and the audience members lean forward to hear. Trowa and Sylvia are annoyed)

Quatre: Dorothy's...

Duo: Yesssssssssss...........?

Quatre: Her.........

Trowa: Will you just say it already?!

Quatre: Her eyebrows!

(Everyone falls anime style. Trowa and Sylvia sweatdrop.)

Duo: Her eyebrows? Ewwwwwwww. Why on God's green earth would you like those for?

Quatre: (giggling) Because they're big, long and look like a caterpillar.

Duo: (scratching his head and looking at Quatre funny) Right.

Quatre: The person told me to kill you.

Duo: What?

Quatre: The person told me that I have to kill you.

Sylvia: Quatre, honey, that's just the voices in your head.

Quatre: (wide eyed) There's people in my head??!! Oh Allah! Get them out! (jumps up) Get them out!!!

(starts to run around like a lunatic) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Duo: Ah, now look at what you did!

Sylvia: (shaking her head) When will it end?

Quatre: Help!!!!!!!!! (runs into a wall and falls to the ground, twitching here and there)

Duo: Great! Now I have to bring out someone else. Are you happy now?

Trowa: Are you dead?

Duo: (confused) No.

Trowa: Ok then.

Sylvia: He will be. Soon. Very, very soon. (gives Duo an evil look)

Duo: Right, well let's bring out Heero Yuy!

(Lady walked out with Heero who seems to be in a trance)

Lady: He's braindead or something.

Duo: (Shrugging) So? Nothing new.

Heero:

Duo: (blinks) So how are you Heero?

Heero:

Duo: (annoyed) I see. Why don't you have a seat next to Tall and quiet and Prissy missy.

Sylvia: Or you can sit on Mr. Gay and horny.

Duo: (shooting Sylvia a dirty look) That was uncalled for.

Sylvia: Not really.

Duo: Bitch.

Sylvia: Ass.

Duo: (making Heero sit in a chair) So how are you buddy?

Heero:

Duo: I see. Well, I have a little surprise for you. Hey! Tony! Bring out the bimbo!

(a curtain opens showing a blonde girl in a chair and playing a guitar)

Lady in the chair: My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why...

Duo: I said bimbo, not Dido.

Tony: What's the difference?

Duo: Duh! Their breast size!

Tony: Oh yeah.

(Another curtain opens up to show Relena. She begins to sing as Heero flinches)

Heero: mm......hmmm......

Sylvia: (looking at Heero) Look Trowa! He's trying to say something!

Trowa: Don't Heero! Stay in a trance!

Heero: Re-re-la-le-uh.........Relena...

Trowa: Damn you, God!

Sylvia: It's his time to suffer like us dear.

~~~~~~~~Room

Hilde got up from the ground from which she was lying on and yawned.

"What's going on? Haven't the others come back yet?

Sally turned the page on another magazine. "Nope."

Hilde looked around. "Hey, where's Heero?"

"They took him," Sally said calmly.

"Who did?"

Sally shrugged. "Don't know."

Hilde blinked a few times confused. "And you didn't say anything?!'

Sally nodded. "Yeah."

Hilde grunted and looked at Dorothy. She was soundly sleeping. Hilde looked at the liquor bottle and sighed. She picked it up.

"I wouldn't if I were you," Sally said without even looking up.

"Yeah well you're not me." Hilde was about to take a drink when she stopped and listened. "Relena?"

~~~~~~~~~~~Show

(Audience cheers and claps as Relena takes a bow. Heero clenches his fist while Sylvia & Trowa play thumb war)

Duo: (yawning) Well, I'm glad that ended. Hell, I thought I was going to have to shoot myself after that!

Relena: (walking to her seat while blowing kisses to the audience and waving) Thank you all! You are all a star! Just not as popular as me.

Duo: Huh, yeah. So, Relena, what do you think of your old boyfriend Heero?

Heero: (Shooting Duo an evil look) ........

Relena: (takes a quick look at Heero and looks away) Heero? Who's Heero?

Heero: I never dated that slut.

Relena: (looking at the audience) Heero, huh? Gee, what a gay name that is.

Heero: (getting up and standing in front of the sitting Relena) Don't you start, you two-timing whore!

Relena: (looking at Heero) Me? A whore?

Heero: I didn't stutter!

Relena: Why you little-

Duo: So I take it you two hate one another?

Heero & Relena: YES!!!!!

Duo: Oh......... um, why?

Relena: (pointing to Heero) Because he's a jealous maniac, out to kill anyone I talk to!

Heero: (pointing to Relena) Because she's always flirting with anyone who talks to her! Including women!

Heero & Relena: (looking at one another) Am not you liar! Stop that!!!!!

Duo: (snickering) Hehe... you two act like you're married!

Heero & Relena: We do not!!!!! Would you stop that already! Stop saying what I say, damn it!!!!!

Sylvia: (whispering to Trowa) Maybe we should kill them.

Trowa: (whispering back) Why?

Sylvia: We'd be doing mankind a favor.

Duo: Hey you two! Stop whispering! It isn't polite to talk behind peoples' backs!

Trowa: It's also not polite to bring your friends on a television show and make them fight with one another, hence, making them look like idiots, even if they already are.

Duo: What's your point?

Heero: You always have to have the last word don't you?!

Relena: What makes you say that?!

Heero: You see?! Always!

Relena: You idiot! I was-

Heero: There you go again! Don't you ever shut up?!

Relena: You are a sad, moronic little man.

Heero: Would you stop?!

Relena: Talking? NO!!!!! You shut up!

Duo: Here's an idea, why don't you both SHUT UP!!!!

Heero & Relena: SHUT UP DUO OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR THROAT AND SELL IT ON E-BAY!!!!! DAMN IT! STOP SAYING WHAT I'M SAYING!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Duo: (sinks in his chair) Say it, don't spray it.

(While Heero and Relena continue to fight, Sylvia and Trowa make a plan to kill Duo and everyone else)

Trowa: We'll call it Operation G.R.O.R,

Sylvia: G.R.O.R?

Trowa: Get Rid Of Retards.

Sylvia: Oh.

Duo: What are you two doing?

Sylvia: Planning your demise.

Duo: What?

Trowa: Nothing.

Duo: Well I have to say, after everything I saw tonight, you two can still be my friends.

Sylvia: Damn it.

Trowa: You have to let us be your friends? Isn't that our choice?

Duo: (ignoring their remarks) I mean, Relena and Heero are so embarrassing and Wufei got all mad about being on television and Quatre is being an idiot. But you two, well you guys are acting very calmly and aren't acting like idiots. I thought you guys were going to go ballistic! But you both seem to be taking it quite well and aren't mad at all!

Sylvia: Or we are very pissed off and just waiting until we're in private to hurt you.

Trowa: You see, the key word in what you said is SEEM.

Duo: (gulping) Sure...........

Sylvia: You just wait. We'll get you back for this, Duo Maxwell.

Trowa: That's a promise.

Relena: That's it! I had enough! (Relena punches Heero, knocking him out. Everyone blinks shocked.)

Heero: ...........................................*twitch*...............................................

Relena: (Dusting her hands) Well that felt good. (takes her seat again)

Duo: (blinking) Dang, she just knocked out Heero! That's like Quatre making Wufei cry!

Relena: Well he pissed me off.

Sylvia: (pokes Heero with a pen) Um........

Trowa: What?

Sylvia: Shouldn't we call someone to check out his head injury?

Trowa: No, it just makes it easier for operation G.R.O.R.

Sylvia: (Shrugging) Ok.

Duo: Operation G.RO.R.? What the hell is operation G.R.O.R.?

Trowa: Uh.......

Sylvia: Operation Go Run Over Roger.

Duo: (scratching his head) Roger? Who the hell is Roger?

Trowa: You know when people talk on walkie talkies, they say, Roger that?

Duo: Yeah.

Trowa: (leaning back in his seat) Well that's Roger.

Duo: Oh! Well how about that. Poor Roger.

Relena: Roger is that guy? What do you want to kill him for?

(Trowa and Sylvia sweatdrop)

Sylvia: (whispering to Trowa) They actually bought that?

Trowa: (whispering back) Who cares? It's all the more reason we should kill them.

Relena: Well?

Trowa: We found out that almost every army has heard of Roger which means he's a double agent which means we have to kill him.

Relena: By running him over with a car?

Sylvia: (nodding) Yes. It's the only way.

Duo: (jumps on his desk) Run! Run Roger! Hurry and save yourself! Run, you poor bastard!

Trowa: (shaking his head) I need to get out of here.

Duo: Ha! Now you can't kill Roger.

Sylvia: (sarcastically) Oh, darn.

Trowa: You do know that if we were going to kill a Roger we'd never tell you especially on your talk show where any one can see it, don't you?

Duo: Well you just did. So I guess you can say you're the moron.

Trowa: Uh huh, right. Can we leave now?

Sylvia: Yeah, this is getting boring.

Audience: *GASP* 

Duo: (holding his chest) Me? B-b-b-boring?! Oh god! The room...... (Duo fell to the floor. Trowa and Sylvia raise a brow.)

Stage Assistant: Someone call the doctor!

Director: Someone get some candy!

Relena: (standing up) Does this mean I don't get paid.

Lady: What are you doing? Get off that camera and do something!

Camera Guy: Like what?

Lady: Something!!!!

Camera Guy: Ok ok!

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

We interrupt this broadcast due to technical diff-

Guy: Someone get some milkshakes, stat! (looks at the camera) Turn that thing off!

(Duo is on the ground shaking. The guy looks at him) Oh no! He's not responding to the sugar! Hurry! Someone get the chocolate bars! I said turn that camera off you fu-

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

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*Blinks a few time* Wow, what a way to end a chapter. I didn't mean to end it there but if I continued it would've been long. I guess I have no choice but to write another chapters to this even though I intended for it to be a 1 chapter fic. *Shrugs* Oh well. However, I will only continue if YOU people want me to. If you want to knows what happens to Duo, Heero, Wufei and the other people in the room and of course, Trowa and Sylvia, you have to tell me to make another chapter or something. Damn I liked how Trowa and Sylvia came out. *Smiles* Well I gtg and see if any of the stories I've been reading have been updated. See ya!

~Wind


	2. Part Two

****

Disclaimer: Ok, ok! I don't own Gundam Wing! *cries*

I also don't own eggo's, the beatles, Sesame Street or anything else that comes up in this chapter.

Finally! I have gotten my precious computer back! I can update all of my stories! I hope you guys didn't give up on any of them. Ignore any typos!

Duo Got A Job Part 2

*Static*

Commercial: (two people are sitting bordely watching the TV)

Tim: Gosh Jan, I'm sick and tired of this late night programming.

Jan: I know Tim. It's just not funny. That Jay Leno is ugly and David Letterman is just... weird.

Tim: I guess we should give up.

(TV begins to glow as the two look on stupidly amazed. Duo pops out.)

Duo: Hey you two nimrods! If you're tired at laughing at people with big chins and a huge gap in their teeth, then come watch my new show, Late Night With Duo Maxwell!

Tim: (amazed) Wow! What's Late Night With Duo Maxwell?

Duo: Well you stupid *BEEP*, Late Night With Duo Maxwell is a very good show that is so great, your tiny little brain can't possibly comprehend what it's all about! So just watch it!

Jan: (dreamily) I rather watch you all day.

Duo: You and me both honey. (looks at the camera) So if your sleep deprived, an idiot, have mental problems, have some kind of fetish with people with long braids or just plain bored, turn it on Channel 3 and laugh out hard!

Tim: (smiling) Wow! Late Night With Duo Maxwell is a hit!

Duo: You bet your ugly face it is!

*Static*

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

This is WTHIT Network. We're apologize for the delay. We now return to regular programming.

Announcer: WELCOME BACK TO-

Audience: Late Night With Duo Maxwell!

Announcer: Now here's your host, Duo Maxwell!

(claps, cheers, and whistles are given as light showers on Duo sitting at his desk with a chocolate IV connected to his arm.)

Duo: Howdy! Sorry everyone, I didn't mean to scare you.

Sylvia: (making gestures with her hands) This close! This freakin' close!

Trowa: I know honey, I know.

Duo: (angry) I would've died too! These stupid pansies that I now regret calling my friends, didn't bother to help me when I was in disstress!"

Trowa: (yawning) I'm sorry, were you in danger?

Sylvia: I thought you were just doing another one of your stupid stunts, I mean, chocolate failure? Does that really exsist?

Duo: Obviously!

Trowa: (shrugs) Who knew?

Duo: (looks at Relena) And what's your excuse?

Relena: For what?

Duo: (angry) For not helping me!!!

Relena: (blinks) Um.... I was fixing my hair?

Duo: ...

Audience: *cough*

(crickets chirp)

(light goes on infront of the studio audience: BOO!)

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Duo: (annoyed) A little too late for that audience!!!

(Light: Go, We're Sorry!)

Audience: We're sorry!

Duo: (smiling) Ok, I forgive you.

Sylvia: You forgive them but you don't forgive us?

Trowa: As if we cared.

Duo: They apologized!

Sylvia: Because a stupid light told them to! They don't mean it!

Duo: Shows what you know! Why would anyone listen to a light? Lights can't talk!

Sylvia: Ask them then!

Duo: No!

Sylvia: Bastard!

Duo: Bitch!

Trowa: (bangs his head against Duo's desk)

Duo: Stop that Trowa! This desk is made from a very rare tree!

Trowa: (observing the desk) It said it's made from oak.

Duo: It still a rare tree.

Trowa: Oak trees are everywhere!!!

Duo: No they're not!

Trowa: (rubbing his head) Make it end!

Duo: Anyways, I would have died if it hadn't coincidentally been for our next guest, Doctor Sally Po!

(Sally comes out waving)

Sally: (sitting on a chair next to Duo) Thank you all!

Duo: No, thank you Sally. You saved my life!

Sally: (modestly) Aw, it was nothing!

Sylvia and Trowa: (desperately) Why couldn't you just let him die?!!!

Sally: ... huh...?

Duo: Ignore them. So Sally, tell us what you do for a living besides save people.

(audience laughs)

Sally: Actually Duo, that's exactly what I do for a living. I save people.

Duo: No kidding?

Sally: (nodding) I am a preventer after all.

Duo: (points to Wufei) From what we've seen, Preventers aren't really good with their jobs.  
(audience snickers)

Sally: No, just Wufei.

(audience laughs)

Duo: Well isn't that the sad truth. Stupid Chinese guy.

Sally: Duo, don't you think that's a bit racist?

Duo: No, I just don't like Chinese guys with the name Wufei Chang.

Sally: Oh.

Sylvia: Heero's moving!

Duo: Say wha?

Audience: Wha?

Duo: Not you! I just- Oh never mind!

Heero: (moving around a bit) ... damn! What happened?

Duo: Relena knocked you the *BEEP* out!

Trowa: With one punch amazinly.

Sylvia: Kind of funny when you think about it.

Relena: Jack ass.

Heero: (sitting up and rubbing his jaw) Really? Is that true Relena?

Relena: (looking away) Yes! You pissed me off so I had to do something about it!

Heero: (shinning in his eyes) No one had ever knocked me out before. Wow! I knew I loved you!

Relena: (going soft) You mean it? You, loved me?

Heero: (taking her hands into his) No Relena, I LOVE you.

Relena: (blushing) Really? I thought you hated me.

Heero: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't mean to make you cry, I didn't want to hurt you. I'm just a jealous guy.

Relena: That's so sweet.

Duo: Is't that what that Lennon guy sang-

Relena & Heero: SHUT UP DUO!

Duo: Sheesh...

Heero: Relena, would you do me the honor and...

Relena: Yes?

Trowa & Sylvia: (looking passively) 

Heero: And pilot my gundam?

(everyone anime falls minus Trowa and Sylvia)

Trowa: You didn't really think he'd ask her did you?

Sylvia: Morons.

Relena: (a bit disappointed but shrugs) Well, it's a start. Yes! I will pilot your gundam with you!

(A/N: If anyone found that in a gross way, you got one sick mind!)

(Light: Go AWW!)

Audience: AWW!

Heero: Come out, let's get out of here and have some fun destroying some colonies.

Relena: Ok!

(Heero and Relena run off)

Sylvia: Hey! How come they can leave?!

Duo: Cause I said so- Hey wait! Miss Bitch is right! Stop them!

Tony: Too late, they're long gone.

Duo: Damn it! what do I pay you guys for?!

Tony: You don't.

Duo: (rolling his eyes) Ok, what does the STUDIO pay you for?

Tony: They don't.

Duo: You mean you work here for free?

Tony: No, I was just black mailed into working this show.

Crew: We all were!

Duo: (blinking) Oh.

Sally: (yawn) This is getting bor-

Duo: (covering Sally's mouth) If anyone ever says that word again, I swear on my gundam, you'll never come on my show again and you'll regret it.

(Trowa and Sylvia's face lighten up)

Duo: And if you two say it, I'll make you do this show for eternity!

Sylvia: You can't make us do it!

Duo: Oh yeah? (points to some of the crew)

Crew: (standing behind the cameras with tranqulizers, ropes, stingers and nets)

Duo: And we have cages in the back,. If you try to run, you'll be here again tomorrow night!

Trowa & Sylvia: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Duo: Losers.

Quatre: AHHHHHHHHHH!!

(everyone jumps.)

Trowa: Quatre's alive!

Sylvia: Damn it! Why won't these people die!

Sally: If I may say so, I thought we were talking about me. Am I wrong? I was the guest!

Quatre: I need a beer...

Duo: We'll be right back after these commercial messages.

Announcer: Late Night With Duo Maxwell is brought to you by, Demented Ego Eggo! From the creators of Eggo, they bring you a demented delicious taste of Ego Eggo to your mouth! That's Demented Ego Eggo! Leggo my Eggo you son of a bitch! *-demented ego eggo's may cause you to hurt, kill and/ or damage other human beings-*

(A/N: try saying ego eggo 3 times fast. Whoever can do it will get a cookie!)

Commercial: (a bunch of zombies are attaking a family home banging on the door and windows)

Father: Oh god! Help!

Mother: What's going on?!

Little boy: It's all her fault!

Little Girl: All I did was take the grave keepers breakfast! (holds up a box of Demented Ego Eggo's with a Serial Killer on the box)

Zombie: Give us the Ego Eggo's you little whore!

Little Girl: Never!

Grave Keeper: Have it your way! Kill them!

Mother: For goodness sake, give them the damn egos!

Little Girl: But mom, Demented Ego Eggo's are filled with a moist inside. (cuts to pictures of an eggo waffle popping out of a toaster then put on a plate with butter and syrup being poured on while little girl talks) It taste just like a regular eggo only with more zing! It's healthy and it's a good source of protein and calcium. All the nutrients you need for a complete breakfast.

Mother: I don't care if it's farts out cash! Give them the damn waffles!

Father: It's too late! They broke the glass!

Family: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

(cuts to the outside of the house with zombies still going in. Grave keeper eating an Ego Eggo on a plate looking at the camera)

G.K.: They're so good, you'd KILL to have them.

(family can be heard screaming)

Family: Oh sweet mother- ah! My arm! Why didn't you give them the Eggos!

G.K.: Make Demented Ego Eggo's part of your breakfast.

(cut to the little girls deattached arm holding the box with a zombie looking at her)

Zombie: Leggo my eggo bitch! (kicks the little girl.)

Next Commercial:

(a lonely man is sitting on the couch listnening to sad music. A guy in a suit appears next to him)

Man In the Suit: (shaking his head out of pity) Are you depressed?

(Man on the couch nods)

M.I.T.S: Lonely? Afraid others don't like you? Hungry? A virgin?

(man nods again)

M.I.T.S: Sounds like you need Presto!

Man: What's Presto?

M.I.T.S: It's a stimulate that makes you funner to be around all the while slowly killing you!

Man: (jumps up and down) Wow! I want some Presto!

M.I.T.S:(smiling) Well too bad. Only important people can have it!

Man: (sadly)But then why did you-

M.I.T.S: (pushing the man down) Shut up Sparky. That's Presto! It makes you be the sqaure of any circle!

Man: That makes no sense.

M.I.T.S.: Just like your life. Presto is made from animal mucus and cow dung, but don't let that scare you off. Once you have a wiff of this, people will actually start to love and hang out with you. The dung causes the brains of those around you to go hay wire, so that they think losers are cool! All for the small price of $178,898.99! Call now and get a robe, abosolutely free!

Man: That doesn't sound like a deal.

M.I.T.S: Hey loser, shut up and I'll give you one for free. Anyways, call in the next minute and get a second case of Presto half price! That's Presto. If that's not a deal, I don't know what is!

Man: Can I have a case now?

M.I.T.S: (laughing) Heh, heh. No!

Man: But you said-

M.I.T.S: (chuckling) I say alot of things.

Call 1- 800- 12345-65780- Presto- ext. 40

Annoucer: Welcome back to-

Audience: Late Night With Duo Maxwell!!

(lights dim and show Sally sitting at Duo's desk)

Sally: Hi everybody. During the break, your host Duo Maxwell, decided to go out and run around for a segment he likes to call Maxwell Town . We'll show you the tape soon enough, but first, Duo asked me to invite yet another guest on the show. Everyone please welcome, Hilde Schibecker, uh Sheeshkicbec, damn. How do you say her last name? (shrugs) Everyone welcome Hilde!

Audience: (clapping and whistling)

(Hilde walks out confused and afraid)

Hilde: What's going on? Where's Duo?

Sally: That's not impotant now, what we want to talk about is you!

Hilde: (blushing) Wh-why me?

Sally: (shrugging) I haven't the slightest clue. 

Hilde: What's wrong with you? I was all alone in that room when they took Dorthy away a few minutes ago!! Where's Wufei? Where's Trowa and Sylvia? And Quatre and Heero?

Sally: Who gives a damn! I'm suppose to be asking you questions!

Hilde: (surprised) Sorry!

Sally: So Hilde, what do you do for a living?

Hilde: Well I-

Sally: Oh, too late! It's now time for-

Audience: Maxwell Town !!

Sally: Let's watch the tape that our host Duo, finished so far then go live to where he is. Roll that tape Lenny!

Hilde: What about me?

Sally: What about you?

Lenny: It's on!

Tape: 

(Duo is out with Quatre, Trowa and Sylvia near a building. All are wearing winter clothes)

Duo: Hello, we just arrived on Colony XV1729977878, where right now, it's winter.

Quatre: Winter sounds like weiner and weiner sounds like my last name winner! (drinks a vodka) 

Duo: How many vodkas have you drank Quatre?

Quatre: Five. Dare me to drive?

Duo: (ignoring him) Well I noticed that all of my friends are crazed wackos and alcoholics.

(Sally and audience members nod)

Duo: So I took it upon myself to get them some help. Come on everyone let's go inside!

Sylvia: About *BEEP* time!

Trowa: I'm freezing my ass off!

(all go into a building as Duo pulls the drunk Quatre to the front desk. A cute lady looks up.)

Lady: (looking at the camera uneasily) Uh, can I help you?

Duo: Yes, Alcoholics Anonymous? I'd like to register my friend into your program.

Lady: (smiling awkwardly) Huh... (points to a sign) This is AAA.

Duo: Oh... so you refuse to help him?

Sylvia: (rubbing her hands together) You took us all this way to Triple A?!

Duo: I thought it was Alcoholics Anonymous!

Trowa: I'm getting out of here! (tries to make a break for it)

(Duo and crew chase after him, leaving Quatre and Sylvia behind)

Duo: Get the tazors! Hurry!

(Tony gets a tranquilizer gun and takes aim)

Sylvia: (running up) Nooooooo!!

Duo: Fire!

(camera shows Trowa running through the snow)

BANG!!

(Trowa falls in the middle of the street)

Sylvia: (jumping on Duo's back and pulling his braid) You stupid *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL HIM?! I'M GOING TO *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* KILL YOU!

Duo: (running around like a maniac) Oh god! Help me! Get her off! Get her off! She's crazy!

Tony: Get the rope!

Bill: Ow! She bite me!

Clyde: (gets the tazor) Hold still Mr. Maxwell!

(audience and Sally laugh)

Sally: Now that's entertainment!

Hilde: Oh my gosh!

Duo: You try holding still with this thing on ya!

Sylvia: HISSS!

Quatre: (walking infront of the camera) My bolonga has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R. MY-

Duo: Shut up Quatre!

Sylvia: GRRRR!!!

Clyde: I'm going in! (Sylvia grabs the tazor and beegins to shock Duo)

Duo: Ow! What the fu- Ow! Stop! (cries) Why won't you stop!?!!

Sylvia: (laughing crazy) HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

BOOM!!

(Sylvia falls to the ground with Tony in back of her hold a base ball bat)

Duo: (catching his breath) Oh thank god. *deep breath* th-thank you Tony... I need water...

Tony: (giving Duo some water) No problem boss but you should get that cut checked.

Duo: (sweating) No *beep*. I think she may have given me rabies... (chugs water)

Quatre: Bye Trowa! 

Duo: What?

(camera turns to see a snow plow shovel the snow off the street with Trowa in the pile)

Duo: (blinking) ...... huh.... hmm....

(cuts to a new atmosphere. Duo and Quatre wearing safari clothes are outside a zoo)

Duo: We just arrived on Colony 67 where we're standing outside the zoo!

Quatre: (Jumping up and down) I want to see the monkeys! I want to see the monkeys!

Duo: (chuckleing) Heh, heh. You ARE a monkey Quatre.

(cuts to Duo standing outside a cage)

Duo: I just made a donation to the zoo. It's first female panda! Let's have a look!

(camera zooms in on Wufei wearing a panda costume)

Audience: (laughing their heads off)

Hilde: Sally! Do something!

Sally: Ok. (gets up and gets some coffee)

Hilde: I can't believe you!

Sally: What? It's decaf.

Duo: Uh oh! Looks like the male panda just realized his new companion. Hey look Bill! He's trying to jump over him! Ha ha! That's so cute!

Bill: Uh, boss?(whispers something to Duo.)

(Duo's face goes grim)

Duo: Oh... um.. Let's go check on Quatre!

(Quatre runs by screaming)

Quatre: Run for your lives!!! AHHHHHHHHH!

Duo: (blinking) Uh, wasn't Tony watching him?

Clyde: Yeah...

(Tony runs by)

Tony: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

(Duo looks to his side and his eyes widened)

Duo: Oh *BEEP* ! RUN!

(everyone runs screaming. camera shows a bunch of animals running towards the crowd)

(cuts to a quiet park with a big white building)

Duo: (wearing a nice suit. Quatre is near by wearing a simular suit)

Duo: We're now at the Earth.

Quatre: (rubbing his head) I don't feel so good. (throws up)

Duo: Heh heh. That's called a hangover Quatre.

Quatre: oOoooOOooooooooOOOOOOoooooohhhhh...................

Duo: Anyways, we're outside St. Mary's Hospital for the seriously ill. As a 'concerned friend', I just admitted one of our guest to the hospital. Well, let's see if you guys can guess at who it was.

Audience: Sylvia!

Sally: Sylvia!

Hilde: (confused) Sylvia?

Duo: (shaking his head)No, no. Not even close. It's Sylvia Noventa!

Sally: (drinking her coffee)The problem with pre- taped gigs.

Duo: Let's go check on the little bundle of joy. Hey Clyde! What was it I told you earlier?

Clyde: Uh, all loonies come from the Earth?

Duo: Damn straight.

Quatre: (eyes a dark red) My head... I need an asprin... now... (faints)

Bill: Should we take him with us?

Duo: Nah! We'll get him later.

(Duo goes into the building. After a long walk, , a few elevators and a stop at the cafeteria, they arrive at a door)

Duo: This is room CL56, CL meaning Crazy Loon, and she rates a 56. Now, let's have a look inside. (opens a little flap to reveal a window that shows inside the room) Hello, hello!

(camera zooms into the room with soft pillow walls)

(Sylvia is rocking herself in a corner. She glances up and sees Duo)

Sylvia: (twitching) You... you...

Duo: On top of everyhing else, she can't form complex sentences.

Sylvia: (runs to the door and starts to tear at it) I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

Duo: (backing up) Whoa!!

Clyde: (pushes a button) I just called the nurses.

Duo: Should be fun.

Sally: That it will!

Hilde: Sally! How can you expoilt our friends like this?!

Sally: Um... Like this! Raise the volume will ya!

(a bunch of security guards run in and circle Sylvia)

R.S.G.: Now just calm down Miss Noventa!

Sylvia: No! He's the one! He should be in here! (twitches) He forgives the strangers but not us... He tortures us! The lights told them to apolgize, the lights! The freaking lights!

R.S.G.: (looking at Duo) Do you know what she's talking about?

Duo: (innocently) Why no! Why would I?

Sylvia: Liar! You... You killed Trowa...

Duo: (shrugging) Actually, we don't know if he's dead.

Tony: Boss, should we go get Quatre now?

Duo: Why?

Tony: (looking out the window Quatre breaks into a car and hot wires it. A loud car screech can be heard) No reason.

Sylvia: His show! He had us tied! The baseball bat... oh god! The baseball bat!

Tony: (shrugs)

Sylvia: It has to end! Wufei! The panda! (screams) I can't take it! (grabs the security guard's flash light) Everyone back off!

R.S.G.: Let's get out of here!

Duo: Don't you guys have guns?

R.S.G.: The freak on level four ate them.

Duo: I see.

Sylvia: Nobody move! I'll blind you with this flash light!

Duo: (rolling his eyes) Oh no. Whatever shall we do?

Sylvia: I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll- 

BONk!

(Sylvia falls to the ground again with Tony behind her holding a baseball bat)

Duo: Thanks Tony!

Tony: No prob.

R.S.G.: Thanks for your help.

(cuts to Sylvia wearing a strait jacket, running into walls, screaming something about baseball bats and the company Triple A)

Duo: (to security guard) Hey um, how long you gonna keep her?

R.S.G: Um... maybe a week or two. Three months the most.

Duo: (secretly handing the guard a wad of money) You sure about that?

R.S.G.: (taking the bribe) Well, how long do you want her in here?

Duo: Maybe a few years, give or take. (hands him another wad of cash) Also, make sure she gets 'good medicine'.

R.S.G: (taking the money) Ok, you're the boss.

Duo: (smiling evily) You bet I am!

(cut to outside a circus to wear Duo's eating cotten candy)

Duo: We're at coincidentally, the same circus Trowa works at!

(Cathrine comes out of a tent)

Cathrine: Duo? What are you doing here? Trowa said he was going to visit at your new job.

Duo: (acting confused) Really? I haven't seen him!

Cathrine: But a limo came and picked him up! It had your name on the side of it.

Duo: Really? Talk about weird!

Cathrine: (a bit angry) You called and asked where to pick him up.

Duo: Oh... uh... RUN! (throws his cotton candy in Cathrines face and runs away)

(Cut to Duo hiding in the shadows)

Duo: I don't have much time so I'll make this quick. I just donated Dorothy Catalonia to the Freak Show part of the circus. Why? Because those eyebrows just ain't normal!

(camera shows Dorothy in a cage, tied to a chair, gagged and glaring at Duo)

Dorothy: meamm...mph... mhogjk!!!!

Duo: What's that Dorothy? Huh? Hehe. You stupid *BEEP*.

Cathrine: DUO!!

(camera turns to Cathrine across from them)

Duo: Damn it! What are you? Super woman?!

Cathrine: Where's my brother?! (throws a knife at them. Clyde gets hit)

Clyde: (eating a donut. looks at his wound and shrugs)

Duo: (wide eyed) Holy moly! What do you think your doing?! (takes a donut out of Clydes hand) Someone or something, could get hurt!

Cathrine: (throws another knife) Don't *BEEP* with me. Where's Trowa?

Duo: (scratching his head) I don't suppose saying I lost him will work with you?

Cathrine: (does Xena type scream and charges after them)

Duo: Every man for himself!! (takes off)

*static*

Sally: ( blinking) Uh... we'll be right back after these messages from our sponsors.

Annoucer: Today's program was brought to you by, Ghetto Street. Learn how to count your whores and spell your A B weeds! That's ghetto street, Bi-atch!

commercial: (cut to a very gangster looking Big Bird smoking some weed talking to Snuffy whom is sniffing something)

Big Bird: Yo, Snuff-man, what are you sniffing there?

Snuffy: (exhaling) Just some white s-*BEEP* that we call Cocaine. (white letters appear on the screen to show how cocaine is spelled)

Big Bird: Hey, man, how you spell that s-*BEEP*?

Snuffy: Dang, man, what do I mother f-*beep*in' look like? I ain't no teacher!

Big Bird: Fa sho?

Snuffy: Straight up.

(Cookie Monster comes by)

Cookie monster: Hey hey, you guys want cookies? Cookies! *twitches* Cookies! Cookies!

Snuffy: Yo, man, what's in that s-*BEEP*?

Cookie Monster: Weed! Cookie! *eye twitches* Cookie! Cookie!

Big Bird: Hey, give me some of that s-*BEEP*. 

Cookie Monster: Yo mama! Cookie cookie!

(the Count comes up with Zoe at his side)

Count: (vampire accent) Now stand here on the corner and earn me some money, bitch!

Zoe: (lights a cigerette) Whatever jack ass.

Snuffy: Yo, man, she disrespecting ya.

Big Bird: Ya better show her who's boss, man.

Snuffy: Just in time too. What's tomorrows special number?

Count: Let's find out. Hey, little pimps and bitches, how many times must I slap Zoe until she shuts her mother f- *beep*in' mouth? (bitch slaps Zoe) One slap! Two slap! Three slap! Four slap! Five! Six! Seven!

Zoe: I'm sorry!

Count: (bitch slaps her again) Sorry what?

Zoe: Sorry master!

Count: Eight! Eight bitch slaps is the magic number!

Snuffy: Fizzle my nizzle dizzle. That's a lot of slaps!

Big Bird: Oh, F*Beep*! Drive by! Drive by!

(everyone drops to the ground as Elmo drives by in a car)

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Elmo: You can't touch this s-*BEEP* Hide bitch! Hide! hahahahhaha! (tickle me Elmo laugh and drives off)

Big Bird: Damn man! I hate the reds! Damn mother f-*beep*ers!

Count: Oh no! Snuffy's been shot!

Big Bird: No! 

(cop sirens)

Count: F-*BEEP*! The cops! (grabs Zoe) Come on bitch!

Big Bird: But wha 'bout snuffy, man?

Count: Every pimp for himself!

Big Bird: No!

(freeze frame) 

Big Bird voice: If you want to see if Snuffy makes it or if I leave him to die, watch tomorrows epizode of Ghetto Street. Six pacific time, nine eastern.

Snuffy: Man, that hurt's like a mother f-*BEEP*er.

Announcer: Now back to-

Duo: Hey! That's my line!

Announcer: Sorry man.

Duo: Alright. Go ahead and say it once.

Announcer: Now back to-

Audience: ...

Announcer: I said, now back to-

Audience: *cough*

Anouncer: Well, that's strange.

Bill: Sir? The lights' broken.

Announcer: Well, get the damn cue cards!

Tony: (holds up a Cue card)

Cue Card: Say Late Night With Duo Maxwell!

Audience: Late Night With Duo Maxwell!

Anouncer: Here's your Host, Duo Maxwell!

Duo: Well, I tell ya, Trowa's sister is one crazy bitch. We're getting close to the end of our show now-

Hilde: But I barely got to be in it!

Duo: So was Dorothy but you don't hear her complaining!

Hilde: (crossing her arms angry) She's at the circus, tied to a chair in a cage, GAGGED.

Duo: What's your point?

Hilde: Duo!

Duo: Hey, don't worry babe. I'll talk about you all on the next episode of- (points to the audience)

Audience: Late Night With Duo Maxwell!

Duo: Ya'll come back now, ya hear?

Sally: Deja vu...

(ending credits wih slide shots of Dorothy in a cage, Cathrine throwing knives, Trowa being plowed away, Sylvia tazing Duo, Quatre throwing up, Tony running from the animals, Clyde getting hit with a knife, Bill picking his nose, an old lady eating a pie and Relena punching Heero)

Announcer: On the next episode of Late Night With Duo Maxwell, Duo tries to look for Trowa, Sally takes to the street talking to former guest Dorthy Catalonia and Sylvia Noventa. And we'll talk with Hilde Shi-sheesh ca bob, damn! How do you say that last name? Uh, we'll talk to Hide, eventually. So long for now!

(cuts to Sylvia in the corner again)

Sylvia: ... the baseball bat... the baseball bat *cries* THE *BEEEEEEEEEEEEP*IN' BASE BALL BAT!!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

End of the story! You know, I like it so much, I just might make little episodes of it. What do you think? R&R, and I don't mean rest and relaxzation. See ya again soon!


End file.
